So there I was, lurking in the sound stage shadows like a light-sensitive mole. This particular stage typically provided padded folding chairs for the wardrobe department and H&M (Hair & Make-up). Unfortunately, all of the chairs were being used in video village to accommodate the large number of clients and gawkers on set. In lieu of standing for hours on concrete floors, an apple box would have to suffice.
I sat perfectly quiet perched on my wooden applebox, diligently watching the monitors for any wardrobe malfunctions, wedgies, or sweat through. Then out of the darkness a hand holding a foam cushion appeared from behind me. Forever burned into my comedic memory banks, two simple words were whispered into my ear,
“STOOL SOFTENER ?”